OWNING YOUR SEXUALITY
Sexual self - awareness is key to enjoying intimacy with your partner. When people come into couple's therapy they are usually willing to talk about most problems except sex. With deep inquiry, it becomes clearer how many intimate partners have withheld much of their sexual histories, traumas, fantasies, insecurities, and discomforts with one another. Or even from themselves.
The following are the 4 most important components of sexual self - awareness.
1. Taboos.
Taboos are forbidden behaviors that can be proscribed by society, religion, or families of origin teachings. They are often passed down from generation to generation, unchallenged in their original form. Because they are transmitted when people are young, they are often deeply ingrained. When sexual desires overrule their suppression, participants are likely to feel guilty, humiliated, and remorseful.
2. Anxiety
Most every person suffers some anxiety around their sexuality and its manifestation. Some people are concerned about body image, timing, touch, sharing their desires, being rejected, or being seen as not measuring up to their partner's expectations. Instead, they rely on just watching, noting, assuming, and adapting to what they think their partners will want and enjoy, rather than just asking directly.
3. Hidden Desires and Fantasies.
Sexual desires are formed and often set in the early years of sexual awakening when masturbation is often the most achievable outlet. There are no outside people to observe so those desires can develop privately. As they mature, the internal sexual world expands from exposure to media, friends, education, and actual participation.
4. Access to Accurate Information in Childhood.
Families accept or reject children's inquiries about sex from total acceptance and support to complete suppression . Much depends on how comfortable they are with their own sexuality. and children pick up these feelings. The level of openness and the willingness to give accurate information sets the foundation for a child - turned- adult to be able to openly communicate their sexual feelings to their partners.
Credit: Randi Gunther via Pinterest.
Sexual self - awareness is key to enjoying intimacy with your partner. When people come into couple's therapy they are usually willing to talk about most problems except sex. With deep inquiry, it becomes clearer how many intimate partners have withheld much of their sexual histories, traumas, fantasies, insecurities, and discomforts with one another. Or even from themselves.
The following are the 4 most important components of sexual self - awareness.
1. Taboos.
Taboos are forbidden behaviors that can be proscribed by society, religion, or families of origin teachings. They are often passed down from generation to generation, unchallenged in their original form. Because they are transmitted when people are young, they are often deeply ingrained. When sexual desires overrule their suppression, participants are likely to feel guilty, humiliated, and remorseful.
2. Anxiety
Most every person suffers some anxiety around their sexuality and its manifestation. Some people are concerned about body image, timing, touch, sharing their desires, being rejected, or being seen as not measuring up to their partner's expectations. Instead, they rely on just watching, noting, assuming, and adapting to what they think their partners will want and enjoy, rather than just asking directly.
3. Hidden Desires and Fantasies.
Sexual desires are formed and often set in the early years of sexual awakening when masturbation is often the most achievable outlet. There are no outside people to observe so those desires can develop privately. As they mature, the internal sexual world expands from exposure to media, friends, education, and actual participation.
4. Access to Accurate Information in Childhood.
Families accept or reject children's inquiries about sex from total acceptance and support to complete suppression . Much depends on how comfortable they are with their own sexuality. and children pick up these feelings. The level of openness and the willingness to give accurate information sets the foundation for a child - turned- adult to be able to openly communicate their sexual feelings to their partners.
Credit: Randi Gunther via Pinterest.